The Heart Wants What the Mind Denies
by timelucked
Summary: Kaname wants to join Mithril. Sousuke opposes for reasons of, her sure safety and such. Enter the conversation that tipped the scales of her joining. Enter Sousuke and Kaname. Full just a tad over this one summary is inside. Short, sweet, to the point.


_**Summary: Kaname wants to join Mithril. In the Research and Development Department. Sousuke highly opposes this. All he wants is her sure safety which he feels she will not get if under Mithril's "protection" He doesn't know what goes on in the labs but he feels it can't be good and – as is human nature – he fears what he doesn't or can't understand or have any knowledge of. But, as is the case with our feisty Kaname, she won't back down so easily. **_

_**Enter the conversation that unfolded between them. Enter his confused pain and her complete willingness for reckless endangerment. Enter Sousuke and Kaname.**_

"What do you mean, I can't join?" Kaname asked harshly, abruptly spinning on her heel to stare, outraged, at the man before her.

She thought he would like the idea – make his job easier – not contest it.

"It is far too dangerous and _that_ is _that_." He said with as much venom as he could muster in his normally indifferent drawl.

She took a few steps forward and her next words were laced with a fiery thread.

"Like I haven't seen or been through enough of it! Just because we're getting to be close, doesn't mean you can boss me around, Mr. Bodyguard. _I_ make my own choices whether I have your permission or not. I don't honestly give a damn if you detest the idea…it is, after all, what is best."

With each progressing word, she stepped nearer, pressing a finger to his chest on the last.

"Why, why, _why_?!" His questions were simple but the warmth that encircled them bringing his volume up a few notches hinted otherwise.

It hurt Kaname and he knew it and felt ashamed for his having raised his voice but…he was so in on it now. There was no stopping this verbal train wreck that was about to ensue. He smacked her hand away, something he would never have even considered in the slightest under normal circumstances but, where she was concerned, he lost control. Lost control of himself, his feelings, and actions inwardly and to others.

"_Why_ must you do this? Why must you put yourself in non-mandatory, non-_necessary_, danger?" – He stopped to grimace at the mere thought of her in harms way – "you won't be a practitioner. No, you will be the one they wish to do the testing's on! Don't you see? Nobody knows what goes on in there – its like, like, like Area 51 for Mithril! – I don't even and I am capable of gaining access and holding high level clearance. And _still_ I have no clue…so; to put yourself into that…I just…can not even come up with words to describe my utter perplexity in this."

"I _do_ know," She stated stubbornly but more coolly, now understanding his emotional stake in this and where he stands. "I can't believe you think I'm so stupid as to blindly put myself into this. You didn't stop to think that I _might_ have thought this through and gotten all of the facts straightened before doing something the…reckless with my life?"

She stopped and Sousuke opened his mouth to protest to whichever one of the brash statements he chose but she cut him off.

"I'm a Whispered, you guys _need_ me. I can help make a difference; I can help use the Black Technology that was instilled in me to _stop_ Amalgam once and for all!"

"No, no…I-I can not accept this…I…I…_will _not." He whispered, at a loss in the turn of events for the conversation.

"But, I want to be a team, Sousuke! I …I want to _finally_ be an equal to you. I want to be more than 'more-than-friends', I want to be your partner, your other, your alternate, counter-part, whatever!" – She paused to collect her jumbled, scattered, thoughts – "I _want_ to be with you,"

Sousuke grabbed her shoulders, still maintaining the arms-length distance.

"You are more to me than any of those things. Which is the exact reason I do not want you there, it would crush something inside of me, I just know it." He sighed, revealing this admonishment difficult but proceeded. "Harm will befall you, and no matter how inconsequential, I could never be able to forgive myself."

He pulled her into a tight embrace, bodies molding and forming to the outline of the other.

"You've no idea the appeal of being together 24/7, night and day, sounds – how…enticing – and that should be proof enough of how much I care for your well-being, enough to squash my own selfish desires. In out time together, I have come to the conclusion that I need you. I would rather die than see you in any harms way, and _you_ know that."

He found that some of the words he wanted to say, to add more meaning to his touching statement, were painfully stuck in his throat, clinging to the interior of his vocal cords. He said all that he did because without that he felt all would have been lost. It still was and he knew it, reconciling it internally that he had indeed lost a battle finally. Who knew it was to be on a turf or side he had no true experience on. Soil uncharted in his mind, body, and soul. He noticed she had blanched at his last stated fact, nearly slipping out of his grip.

"How could you say that? Talk about your death in such a flippant way?" She asked, flabbergasted; although she did know it was common ground for him to do so. "In all of out journeys and moments together, I also had time to think and believe that we _belong_ together. You are what completes me, Sousuke Sagara, you and no other. Everything just feels…so right when I'm with you."

She added as an after-thought, "I used to make jokes about Kyoko and her manga's talk of 'soul mates' but…with you, I can actually believe there are such things out there."

The brunettes' upper-body sagged.

"I feel the same way. You have just stolen my words from my mind that I couldn't quite get to verbalize." He stated softly into her hair. "Then, do me this, do not seek to join."

His voice came out pained as he struggled to get what needed to be said out, harder than was expected after their tender confessions.

"May I ask something of you in return?"

He hesitantly and grudgingly nodded for her to continue.

"Let's agree…to disagree on this topic."

Sousuke cringed as if the sentimental blow was physical, turning his head away from hers slightly, as a knee-jerk reaction. Look away from the one that causes you harm. She was about to turn his head back when he settled her statement by fiercely pressing his lips down to hers. After his merging with her, she quickly found she could keep pace with his movements, gripping her knotted fingers in his hair as he weaved his through her long tresses of soft, silken azure locks.

Their lips worked with each other in perfect unity, configuring around one another's until he broke them apart, turning to hide his hurt expression. He was right in one of the many things – the decision really did break a part of him. He knew this look couldn't be so easily shaken off of his face, not capable of wiping it off entirely.

"Begin your packing. I shall send in the necessary paperwork to begin your job transfer. You shall bunk with me in my quarters until you receive proper bedding." His voice was distant with his emotional distress.

He always found that hiding away in a dark abyss or crevice of ones mind helped numb the pain…but…it always had a way of rearing its ugly head again. Without so much as a glance back, he began to turn and walk out, sloughing along with heavy footsteps. After placing a shaking hand to her pulsating lips, she stared at his retreating form.

Sousuke heard hurried footsteps echoing in the room before he felt the arms wrap around from behind, sliding through his arms to lock in front of his chest, resting lightly on his torso. She pressed her head in between both shoulder blades, resting lightly against him. He sighed, resigned.

"Welcome aboard the Tuatha De Dannan, my…researchee."

_**So, you liiiiiiike? If so, comment, if not…COMMENT…you get my gist. Of course, even in something serious like this, I had to have a kissing scene…I just…HAD to…its unnatural for me not to…which shows you clearly just how obsessed I am with this coupling and show/book/manga. Erm…I could have sworn I wanted to add something here…I just can't remember ^_^'**_

_**Oh, it might have been…YEAH THIS IS IT: This was my really short, sweet, and to the point one-shot (right?)…so I hope you enjoyed it…I usually go into WAYYYY more detail where these two, and/or any pairing I love, but I didn't here…oh, wellz. But, don't you worry, I will next time…oi…this is a crappy ending thingy…DON'T READ ABOVE THIS POINT…I should really stop now…**_

_**But before I do, I must say that this title was based on the fact that both of them want her to be on the TDD-1 but Sousuke, who always thinks logically and rationally, knows the dangers that come with the job. So their hearts are telling them to 'Go for it!'; whereas his mind is processing 'stupid' – in my opinion – things like, I can't, it's not for her own good…that is SERIOUSLY for all.**_

_**Jaa ne, tomodachi!**_


End file.
